how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
