Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
