apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
