I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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