my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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