So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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