Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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