margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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