OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
