Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
