Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
