those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
