I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
