Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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