If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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