Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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