It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
