I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
