getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
