i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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