Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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