I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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