he wants to bone in the snuggie
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
