Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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