Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
