hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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