I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
