he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
