How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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