I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize