she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize