I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
