All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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