Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
