WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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