No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize