Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
