He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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