I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
