I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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