remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
