whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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