Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
