I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In other news, I just burned my penis
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize