I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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