I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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