Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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