Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
