Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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