I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
