We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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