why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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