Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
