what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
