I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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