textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
