But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
