he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
