She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
