I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
