Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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