if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize