I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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