I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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