he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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