I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
