there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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