come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
