just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
