Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
