please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
