you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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