Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
