I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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