Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize