i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
