According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
