Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
