I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Are we still banned from the library?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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