My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't think brook has ever known best
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
