Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
