I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
