Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
