I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
