Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
