I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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