Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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