nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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