Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
