i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
