I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
