Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
