The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
