she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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