he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Enjoy the penises
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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