wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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