well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
