Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
