Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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