If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
