my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
