The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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