No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
