some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
