Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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