My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
