Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
